My contactless cards is dying. It’s been a loyal friend for 6-8 months.
But now its breath rattles in its chest
Whenever I buy a sausage roll
The man from Greggs tells me that I may have been unkind to it,
Treating it with no respect at all
By keeping it near other NFC devices
But, I say, I have only kept it in my wallet. I’ve been nice to it.
Why would it hate me so?
Am I so unlovable that a bank card would shun me?
But the man from Gregg’s is persistent. Do I have another contactless card?
Yes, from my other account which I never use
Unless I’m drinking.
Apparently this is awful. Keeping two contactless cards together can break them.
And it’s all my fault.
But that leaves me with a question.
Is it really progress, if we get a new card, but we can’t put them in a wallet?
I’M NOT MADE OF POCKETS!
FUCK OFF CO-OPERATIVE BANK! FUCK OFF AND LEAVE US BE!